Dumplin'

Well, folks, I’m feeling frighteningly country this morning.

Actually, it’s not frightening to me, though it might be to some of y’all.

By the way, everybody please take note of the correct apostrophe placement in the deeply southern and truly useful word, “y’all.” It goes after the “y.” Please don’t write ya’ll. Or worse yet, yal’l, which I have actually seen before. Just don’t do it.

The word is short for “you all,” which is something every person will absolutely have need of saying now and again.

For instance, when I got to go to England this past fall, I asked two staff in the lobby of a large hotel in Birmingham whether, “y’all have wireless internet access somewhere here in the lobby.”

Nobody in Birmingham, Alabama, has ever laughed at me for saying y’all, but the Brummies thought I was sort of cute, maybe, and perhaps a little less than bright and definitely in need of nurture, so they actually walked me to the place I needed to go.

Anyway, here I sit this morning, listening to J.D. Crowe pick his banjo, while the boys in the band back him up on “She’s Gone, Gone, Gone,” and, “Don’t Give Your Heart to a Rambler.”

That means we’ve only got a few more minutes until “Foggy Mountain Breakdown,” at which point I will definitely have to pause and pay attention to the music, so we better keep moving.

What they say is true. You can take the boy out of Crockett County, but you can’t take the Crockett County (TN, of course) out of the boy, and that’s not a bad thing.

I have found that most folks who grew up somewhere south of Cincinnati, east of Dallas and north of Orlando have some big things in common that they can get in touch with pretty quickly.
No matter how many generations we might be removed from the land, there are shared memories and experiences of land, language, faith and most importantly…food, that form common ground beneath us.

Have you ever watched a couple of southern folks try to “out country” each other?

I once got in conversation with a good friend and colleague about which of us had the most authentic southern, country credentials. We compared family names (always a good place to start), past work experiences (hey folks, I have hauled hay, worked truck crops and cut tobacco in the past), and, of course, culinary adventures.

Finally, she said, “when my husband came to my house to pick me up for our first date, there was a dead mule in the yard.”

Dang.

“You win,” I said.

Dang.

So, let’s see how much common ground you and I might have. Here’s a little southern cookin’ test:

1) Breads / Starch

a. Do you know a real, live, homemade biscuit when you see and experience it, and do you understand what the term “cat head” means in reference to said baked good?

b. Cornbread ---- Do you know the difference, and more importantly, the correct application, of fried, cracklin’, and stick and sliced cornbread forms? Do you ever eat cornbread muffins?

Here’s a tip --- cornbread muffins are nearly always wrong, wrong, wrong, and for goodness sake, please know that cornbread should never be sweet under any circumstances. Sorry, this is a non-negotiable core value.

c. Here’s one that separates sheep and goats pretty quickly: Do you know the difference between stuffing and dressing? If not, you are invited to our house for Thanksgiving and we’ll show you the way.

d. Grits. The ultimate litmus test. Do you turn your nose up at the thought? There is little hope. Do you butter and sugar them? You are marginal. Give ‘em some salt, perhaps a little pepper, mix them with your runny fried eggs, and sop with a cat-head. It’s that simple.

2) Vegetables

a. Home-grown tomatoes: do you give them proper homage and worship as the deity of summertime produce? You can be exiled from our home for not understanding that you can meet God with nothing more than a backyard, vine-ripe, fresh-picked tomato and a shaker of salt.

OK, not really, but you should give it a try with an open mind. Again, come to my house, I’ve got ripe tomatoes in the backyard right now.

b. Bean / Pea sub-category:

Do you like your green beans crunchy? Beware, this is closely related to the cornbread muffin question.

Do you prefer all beans and most vegetables cooked with lots of pork fat and stewed beyond easy recognition? Now we’re talking.

Bonus --- Can you identify and explain the differences between blackeye, field and crowder peas?

c. The Fried vegetables

Another tip -- many, many vegetables can be made much more palatable if they are sliced, rolled in cornmeal and deep fried. The chief example of this, of course, is okra. Along with the cornbread, green beans and grits tests, fried okra is one of the quickest and easiest ways to separate real southern eaters from the wannabes.

Of course a nod must be given to yellow squash and the European-sounding zucchini as outstanding fried companions to the noble okra.

d. Corn

Do you know what “silver queen” means? The term alone has already made the true southerners out there start to salivate. A freshly boiled ear of silver queen is also an absolutely acceptable path to God. When combined with fresh, homegrown tomatoes, life is worth the living.

When made from frozen or canned summertime corn, “creamed” corn can get you through ‘til spring.

e. Greens

If you don’t know what “greens” even means, then I don’t know where to begin. Here’s the test. Collard, mustard or turnip, which is best?

Double-bonus points: Can you define the term “pot liquor?”

Triple- (ok, infinite) bonus points: Can you identify, gather, and prepare “poke salad” without poisoning yourself or others?

f. What’s Not on the Vegetable List:

No broccoli, brussels sprouts, spinach or salads (other than poke, which ain’t a salad) of any kind appear on this list. Interestingly, cabbage is appropriate, boiled or mulched into slaw, although there is vigorous slaw debate amongst southerners.

3. Meats

a. Ham --- do you know that “honey baked” is not the only kind of ham available for consumption? Real ham is called “country,” and it’s definitely, again, not sweet. You will, however, need about 2 gallons of sweet tea to wash it down. Ironic, I know.

b. Pork --- this is a good place to stop and consider the southern response to pork in general. It’s something like, “yes, please.” The pig kept southerners alive and kicking for hundreds of years.

Pork means bacon (and bacon grease), sausage, tenderloin (you know what this is and what to do with it, right? --- Think fried, not grilled, people), ham and of course, BBQ. BBQ needs its own book and is more than I can begin to take on in this expanding essay. Let me just say this about it --- shoulder, hickory smoked, pulled not chopped, vinegar-based sauce, not tomato. Let the debate begin.

As I once heard a deeply southern lady say, “I do love a pig, from root-to-toot.” If you don’t know what that means, please don’t ask.

c. Chicken --- nearly as versatile as pork, but mostly this means fried. Fried chicken, like BBQ, is really an art form too complex to discuss. The good stuff doesn’t come from the Colonel. It comes from a real kitchen, and a real cast iron skillet. If you’ve never had it, you’ll know it when you do.

d. Do you know how to “country fry” a steak? If not, it’s worth learning, and no, there’s not really a “steak” involved. Just trust me on this.

e. Fish --- Again, fried, and that’s about all I can say. Good fish should sort of get the same treatment that a good piece of okra receives. Authentic diners know that the real prize here isn’t catfish, it’s crappie. Now, Georgia folks say CRAP-ee, which is really great, and truly hilarious. Personally, I eat CRAH-pee, but that’s just me. But then again, I also eat Puh-CAHNS, not PEE-CANNS, but again, that’s just Crockett County talking.

4. Desserts and “Trimmings”

a. Gravy, of course, should have a category unto itself. Can you spot “red-eye” when you see it, and do you know when “sawmill” would be a better choice?

b. Sweet Tea is the ultimate cultural icon of the south. I’ve heard it called the “champagne of the south,” and like all masterpieces, it requires a very careful and delicate treatment. Let’s just say the stuff at McDonald’s is not what we’re talking about. It shouldn’t be so sweet that it strips the enamel off your teeth, and it needs to be strong enough to taste like more than sweetened water. When it’s just right, there is not a better thirst-quenching energy drink out there.

c. Caramel pie. Maybe this is just something my grandmamma does, but pretty much this dessert defies easy description. It’s what the angels eat in heaven, if they’re lucky. I’d say the other go-to’s that you need to know are peach cobbler, blackberry cobbler, and of course, PUH-cahn pie.

OK, hungry yet?

That list either made you think of summertime with your grandparents, or you don’t know what in the world that rambling was all about.

It all depends on whether we share a similar experience.

Shared experience, of any kind, does wonders for our ability to communicate with each other.
Here’s what I mean. No matter what you and I might disagree about, I bet if you’re the kind of person who smiles at the thought of cracklin’ cornbread, we could find ourselves a diner, sit down over a “meat and three” and figure something out.

By the way --- here’s how you pick a good, southern (I.e. “soul” or “country” food) diner. It’s should be clean enough, but not immaculate. If they’ve got enough time to make it all perfect, they don’t have enough customers.

Your waitress should look like she could really, really use a vacation, and it’s a very good sign if she calls you any combination of “sweetie,” “sugar,” “honey,” “darling,” or even, “dumplin.”

They should not hand you a menu, because either it’s already on the table, stuck between the napkin holders and the salt and pepper, or you can pick from the items written on the chalkboard posted over the kitchen. The place ought to be named after somebody, preferably something like “Calvin’s,” “Millie’s,” “Buck’s” or “Ruby’s.”

One other item --- look for lots and lots of old men smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee very early in the morning. You’ve found your diner.

There’s not much that can’t get solved over black-eyes and collards between two people who have found common ground. I don’t think the U.N. has tried collards and black-eyes yet in the middle east, but it’s as good as any other idea at this point.

The real truth is that sometimes, even an inch or two of common ground can seem impossible to find. What do we do when what’s “grits” to one person is “polenta” to another?

I have learned a lot about the answer to that question from my time at SOTH.

SOTH is a place of real diversity, where people from different backgrounds, regions, races and even nations, choose to come together and form a true community.

Our differences, from experiences to appearances, to opinions, are sometimes pretty dramatic. I’ll never forget sitting in my first meeting a year ago with a group of 8 or 10 leaders from our congregation. “I have to tell you,” I said, “I would never put all of you people together in the same church in a million years.” Mostly, the group seemed amused and a little confused by my statement.

Now, I think I understand why. Even if you don’t know a country ham from a “honey-baked” and you’ve never been called “sugar dumplin” by an over-worked waitress, our shared experience of faith far outweighs our differences.

When the church is running right, thinking straight, and walking together, led by the Holy Spirit, we know that we are sisters and brothers in the same, crazy family. God really is our father, and he really does love every one of us the same.

Perhaps the Apostle Paul said it best to the Galatians, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (3:28)

For Christians, Jesus is our common ground. He is the place where we are all one, and all free.

The challenge before us, then, is to find a shared ground of experience held in common with the scared, cynical, questioning world in which we live. There are those in our communities who are looking for answers, but convinced there are none to find, especially not at church. There must be a way to show them our own struggle, and invite them into an open discussion of the questions we all share.

Maybe we can even hope to invite them into the story of redemption in Christ that we are finding together. Think about that common ground. When we find it, we can tell His story, and really make a difference.

Now, let’s go get some lunch.

Y’all come back now, y’hear?
Adam

LIFE AT SOTH:

Our Sermon Series, “Back to School” continues this Sunday with Rule #2: “Be Nice to the Lunchlady,” at both 8:30 and 10:00 worship. We’ll look at how the people of Israel continued to grumble throughout the Exodus, even as God provided for them and led them into the Promised Land.

Wednesday night Supper at SOTH happens one week from tonight, 6:30 p.m., as school gets back in session in our community and life begins to fall into routine for our families. We expect a big turnout, so make sure to sign up this coming Sunday.

Membership Sunday will be two Sundays away on August 20th. We’ll celebrate this year’s new members, receive new families and celebrate with a lunch after 10:00 worship on that day. A big SOTH welcome to recent new members Rocky, Susan and Martha Jo Barnes, and to Liz and Ike Eisenman who joined SOTH this Sunday at the 10:00 worship gathering.

Look for a new small group ministry to take shape in September as we study John Ortberg’s If You Want to Walk on Water, Get Out of the Boat.